Why I'm running a marathon, and why it won't kill me.

Never thought I’d be a runner.

Until this past fall, when every weekend I saw posts about my friends and family running marathons, pushing themselves past their known physical limits. I couldn’t do that. No way. I would flat out fail if I tried.

But then why did part of me want to try? To be like everyone else? To feel good about myself, so I could have some sort of claim to make in my life? Did I really want to try, or was I feeling inferior to the superstars around me so I felt the need to “catch up” to them?

I couldn’t tell what it was. So I tried to forget it. Even if I truly did want to run a marathon, I wouldn’t be able to. Not with my asthma, my defective, chemo-shocked body, and my… oh. Right. My fear of failure. My inability to set ambitious goals for myself. I mean, sure, throw me in a group, cast me a vision, and I will lead, plan, work, and get us there. But for me to sit myself down and quiet the shouting, seemingly self-protecting lies for long enough to hear a voice tell me there’s more to who I am than I’m aware of? A voice that tells me I am capable and strong? Now that’s crazy talk. Heaven forbid I set a high goal and not achieve it.

So, per usual, I kept all those marathon thoughts to myself and continued to live the life I was used to. Capable enough to be praised, because quite honestly, that was good enough. Strong enough to lead and challenge others, but not always myself. I was genuine and sincere in all that I did. But all that I did was all that I was used to. It’s easy to be real when you’re comfortable and secure. That inkling to run a marathon couldn’t possibly be the same voice desperately breaking through my insecurities. Surely not.

Surely so. It turns out there is more to who I am than I have ever allowed myself to be aware of (and I consider myself to be pretty self-aware!). There are pieces of who God made me to be that I haven’t tapped into. What in the world am I waiting for? For people to not look so they won’t know if I mess up? … I am human, right?

I’m not saying, “God made me to run a marathon.” No. No, no, no. I am saying that I want to explore every part of who God created me to be. Granted, this is a lifelong process. We will never fully know ourselves until we meet our Creator and Savior face-to-face. But why wait until then? I want to get started now. At least, I want to be more intentional with that now.

For me, this means not limiting what I think I can do. Do I believe I can run 26.2 miles in October, even with months of training? Dang. Not really. It seems so ambitious and soon! But do I believe the Lord has great plans for me to love people with His love and change lives across the world? Yes, actually. I do. So why is the latter so much easier to believe when it holds so much more eternal significance?

I can have an influence on the lives of people around me given who I am right now. I like to think I do have an influence. But when I imagine how much more abundantly I could love and serve the broken and oppressed if I truly relied on the Lord to sustain me… now I’m thinking beyond my own limitations.

I want to know what it means to depend on the Lord. To believe, in a very physical way, that he, and only he, is sustaining me beyond my physical limits. That little voice I heard? It wasn’t telling me of my strength, but of the desire to become more fully who I already am, and of the beautiful mystery of trusting that God has greater things for me than I could imagine for myself.

Will you join me in this endeavor? No, I’m not asking you to run a marathon. But will you consider being one more mile, one more checkpoint for me to know that I am running with purpose?

In addition to running the Hartford Marathon (because let’s be real, I don’t actually care about running), I have committed to recruiting 26 new child sponsors for Kids Alive International – one child for every mile I run. I have spent months living and working in the Dominican Republic serving with KAI, and the work they do to change the lives of the broken and oppressed is simply remarkable. They focus so intently on loving and raising kids at risk so that those children will grow up to be loving, effective leaders in their own country.

Over the last ten years, since the first time I went to the Dominican in 2004, I have seen this organization grow in size, serve the underserved, and love on every kid they possibly can. Their success is directly correlated with the number of child sponsors they have. The more kids that are sponsored, the more kids they get to take into their programs, which means more lives are saved and changed.

Please consider joining me in sponsoring a child from the Dominican Republic! Sponsorship is $39/month (and I'm asking you to commit for a year), which will support education, food, and health care for your child – things most Dominican kids live without much of. Depending on their situation, it may also provide him/her a home, caring house-parents, a compassionate living environment, clothing, and three meals a day.

Please let me know if you would like to talk more about this opportunity. Part of me thinks recruiting 26 new sponsors will be a harder task than training for that marathon – and we already know how I feel about that! Thanks so much for your time. I appreciate all the encouragement and prayers I have already received for these new endeavors!

I can’t wait to stretch and grow myself, my faith, and my passion for the underserved. Bring it on, 2014.