Why I'm running a marathon, and why it won't kill me.

Never thought I’d be a runner.

Until this past fall, when every weekend I saw posts about my friends and family running marathons, pushing themselves past their known physical limits. I couldn’t do that. No way. I would flat out fail if I tried.

But then why did part of me want to try? To be like everyone else? To feel good about myself, so I could have some sort of claim to make in my life? Did I really want to try, or was I feeling inferior to the superstars around me so I felt the need to “catch up” to them?

I couldn’t tell what it was. So I tried to forget it. Even if I truly did want to run a marathon, I wouldn’t be able to. Not with my asthma, my defective, chemo-shocked body, and my… oh. Right. My fear of failure. My inability to set ambitious goals for myself. I mean, sure, throw me in a group, cast me a vision, and I will lead, plan, work, and get us there. But for me to sit myself down and quiet the shouting, seemingly self-protecting lies for long enough to hear a voice tell me there’s more to who I am than I’m aware of? A voice that tells me I am capable and strong? Now that’s crazy talk. Heaven forbid I set a high goal and not achieve it.

So, per usual, I kept all those marathon thoughts to myself and continued to live the life I was used to. Capable enough to be praised, because quite honestly, that was good enough. Strong enough to lead and challenge others, but not always myself. I was genuine and sincere in all that I did. But all that I did was all that I was used to. It’s easy to be real when you’re comfortable and secure. That inkling to run a marathon couldn’t possibly be the same voice desperately breaking through my insecurities. Surely not.

Surely so. It turns out there is more to who I am than I have ever allowed myself to be aware of (and I consider myself to be pretty self-aware!). There are pieces of who God made me to be that I haven’t tapped into. What in the world am I waiting for? For people to not look so they won’t know if I mess up? … I am human, right?

I’m not saying, “God made me to run a marathon.” No. No, no, no. I am saying that I want to explore every part of who God created me to be. Granted, this is a lifelong process. We will never fully know ourselves until we meet our Creator and Savior face-to-face. But why wait until then? I want to get started now. At least, I want to be more intentional with that now.

For me, this means not limiting what I think I can do. Do I believe I can run 26.2 miles in October, even with months of training? Dang. Not really. It seems so ambitious and soon! But do I believe the Lord has great plans for me to love people with His love and change lives across the world? Yes, actually. I do. So why is the latter so much easier to believe when it holds so much more eternal significance?

I can have an influence on the lives of people around me given who I am right now. I like to think I do have an influence. But when I imagine how much more abundantly I could love and serve the broken and oppressed if I truly relied on the Lord to sustain me… now I’m thinking beyond my own limitations.

I want to know what it means to depend on the Lord. To believe, in a very physical way, that he, and only he, is sustaining me beyond my physical limits. That little voice I heard? It wasn’t telling me of my strength, but of the desire to become more fully who I already am, and of the beautiful mystery of trusting that God has greater things for me than I could imagine for myself.

Will you join me in this endeavor? No, I’m not asking you to run a marathon. But will you consider being one more mile, one more checkpoint for me to know that I am running with purpose?

In addition to running the Hartford Marathon (because let’s be real, I don’t actually care about running), I have committed to recruiting 26 new child sponsors for Kids Alive International – one child for every mile I run. I have spent months living and working in the Dominican Republic serving with KAI, and the work they do to change the lives of the broken and oppressed is simply remarkable. They focus so intently on loving and raising kids at risk so that those children will grow up to be loving, effective leaders in their own country.

Over the last ten years, since the first time I went to the Dominican in 2004, I have seen this organization grow in size, serve the underserved, and love on every kid they possibly can. Their success is directly correlated with the number of child sponsors they have. The more kids that are sponsored, the more kids they get to take into their programs, which means more lives are saved and changed.

Please consider joining me in sponsoring a child from the Dominican Republic! Sponsorship is $39/month (and I'm asking you to commit for a year), which will support education, food, and health care for your child – things most Dominican kids live without much of. Depending on their situation, it may also provide him/her a home, caring house-parents, a compassionate living environment, clothing, and three meals a day.

Please let me know if you would like to talk more about this opportunity. Part of me thinks recruiting 26 new sponsors will be a harder task than training for that marathon – and we already know how I feel about that! Thanks so much for your time. I appreciate all the encouragement and prayers I have already received for these new endeavors!

I can’t wait to stretch and grow myself, my faith, and my passion for the underserved. Bring it on, 2014.

'...but the lord determines his steps'

     It has been quite a while since I've been able to update my blog, and I feel like so much has happened! It has been a whirlwind of emotions with a ton of excitement and changes. Last weekend I flew back to the States for a beautiful wedding and had the best time catching up with friends and dancing the night away. It went by so fast and before I knew it, I was back in Jarabacoa killing the cockroaches that my housemates captured under cups and left for someone (me) to take care of. Thanks girls.
    While I was gone, a late arriving intern moved in. A week later, this past Saturday, another intern had to leave early. The same day, two more interns who were originally supposed to be in Haiti but are now in the DR for two weeks first also moved in. There are now 11 total interns in our town which makes for a very big and crazy, but fun group. The director at the school I'm tutoring at and two other former interns who have been here for a few weeks all left this weekend as well. Things are changing everywhere! It's all taking some getting used to... but the Lord has a plan for it all and he is ever teaching me about trusting him. 
     The tutoring aspect of my time here is going well. It can be hard and frustrating when working with kids who just are not motivated and are highly distracted, but it is incredibly rewarding when borrowing and regrouping finally clicks for a kid. We switch off days between math and reading, and the kids are starting to get the routine. Today, a girl that was having a hard time with math ran up to me and asked when we are going to add and subtract again. It's encouraging to see some of them excited! This tutoring program is definitely useful and not only helps kids with their schooling, but gives them the one-on-one attention so many  of them need, and it allows room for the tutors to really invest in specific kids. I feel blessed to be a part of something that will hopefully make a lasting impact on the kids but also on Kids Alive.
     With so many people leaving, Rachel (another intern) and I are the only Americans left at our school. We are really connecting with some of the teachers and several of the kids. We have made a habit out of walking down the street during lunchtime to buy 5 peso (~12 cents) homemade juice popsicles (with filtered water!) from a house in a barrio. We have also started visiting certain kids in their houses after school which is something I am really looking forward to continuing. They are so excited to show you their homes and introduce you to their family. After visiting one boy's home today, he walked me back to school and told me his life story and how he ended up at a Kids Alive care center. This allowed me to share my testimony with him as well. 
     My spanish continues to improve... I had my first dream in spanish the other night and woke up with a spanish worship song in my head! A group from my church stayed in Jarabacoa for a night on their way to Haiti, it was good to see some familiar faces. On the 4th of July, all the North Americans had a big cookout, complete with decorative hats, a volleybally tournament, and 13 pies. Except for the huge bump I got on my forehead after colliding with an elbow playing volleyball, it was a wonderful night. This weekend we went on another waterfall hike, and then went tubing down the river with the missionary family I lived with. It was so fun and reminded me a ton of floating down the river by my house on air mattresses with my brothers. 
     Time continues to fly by... it's hard to believe I only have three weeks left! My prayer is that each of us interns would be intentional about our time and relationships. I know the Lord has a plan for each of us and in the midst of everything changing, He never does. "In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

setting the oppressed free

     What a crazy past few weeks it's been! I moved out of the missionaries' house and into a house a few blocks away with six other interns (with no wi-fi - hence the delayed blog update). All 22 summer interns arrived one week ago, so last week was all training and getting them comfortable here. There were several teaching lectures, we got to spend time with the school staffs that we will be teaching with, and as Dominican custom, I got soaking wet on my birthday. It was a busy week but lots of fun getting to know my new friends!
     Shout out to Cameron Foose and Andrew Lindquist! They are two friends from Wheaton that are also working in the DR, and they came out to the mountains to visit this weekend. We had an awesome time hiking up a river, jumping off a waterfall, running a race, and spending some quality time together. It was a sweet breath of fresh air, something I seriously appreciated.
     I am reading two books right now, The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns and Helping Without Hurting by Brian Fikkert and Steve Corbett. I highly recommend both as I am learning a ton right now about our calling as Christians to truly love our neighbor and seek justice for the poor and oppressed. When you really look at scripture, there really is no way around that. It has been interesting reading them in the context that I am in down here. Matthew 25:31-46 includes the infamous verse, "What you did for the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." Realizing that by loving and bringing joy to, nevermind ultimately attempting to help educate, these small and innocent, yet totally impoverished children, I am loving and bringing joy to my Savior strikes a chord within me. Just as this blog is named after Micah 6:8, another verse that keeps being brought to my attention, especially through these two books, is Isaiah 58:6-7. "Is this not the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and to untie the chords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not the share your food with the hungry and provide the poor wanderer with shelter - when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?" (go read the rest of the chapter!) 
     What does it really mean to seek justice and set the oppressed free? I mean, what does it really actually look like? It's been a crazy reality check when you walk and drive by the overwhelming poverty on a daily basis, and then remember that you are called, in fact you are mandated to feed the hungry, shelter the homeless, and clothe the naked. We, as the Church, have a heavy responsibility that we need to take seriously.
     The Dominican Republic has been shown to have the worst education out of all the Latin American countries, and is ranked 137 out of 139 countries across the world in a study on math and science education (if you want that citation, let me know). I am praying and hoping that the work the Lord is doing through the interns this summer and through the tutoring program I am trying to help get rolling will truly make an impact on the kingdom and the fruit of our labor will be setting the oppressed and uneducated free.
     Please be praying for the Lord's guidance and strength in the summer programs this week. Today was day one and it was stressful, confusing, yet incredible all at the same time. It has been striking me ever so clearly how desperately we need the Lord's provision during the next five weeks.
     As always, thank you for showering me with love and support. I am so grateful for an incredible community!

I love ya like a grape.

After several power outages and a few trips out of town, I can finally write an update!
     Serving the Lord can be pretty hard sometimes, with all the sacrifices you need to make... but it's pretty fun when it involves going to a beautiful, coral beach for the weekend, learning how to surf, diving for sand dollars for hours on end, and quality time with some pretty amazing people. :) Life here can be uncomfortable at times, but it has been a blast.
     Last week, I went to Constanza, the first place I ever went to in the DR back in 2004. Vic (KAI co-director) drove me down the very road I shared my testimony on for a couple hundred Dominicans during a church service. It brought back a lot of memories and was amazing to see how the programs there have really grown. My project was to work with another missionary here to get all the kids to write letters to their sponsors. Each child in the program needs 3-9 sponsors in order for them to stay in the orphanage or attend the school. After succeeding in getting 50+ kids to write all their letters in a single afternoon, the next task was to translate them into English for their American sponsors to understand. I now sympathize with elementary school teachers in the impossible handwriting legibility battle... We had a good time playing 'Mad-Gab' as we would read a line out loud over and over until it sounded like something in Spanish that made a little bit of sense. My favorite line was definitely this:
          What she wrote: "Teciero com un uba."
          What she meant to write: "Te quiero como una uva."
          What it means: "I love you like a grape."
... apparently she really likes grapes? The kids really understand that the only reason they are able to have these different lives are because of their padrinos, sponsors, and a lot of the letters were really beautiful and touching to read.
     Since then I have been coloring 250+ pages as part of preparing tutoring boxes for the summer programs. 11-year old Chase has been a pretty huge help with that. In fact, we finally finished today! We celebrated by making passion fruit juice - she's an expert. The 20 interns come in less than a week, so my deadline for prepping the boxes is closing in, but I'm excited for them to arrive!
     The Lord has been so good to me, teaching me a ton about his love for each of his children, his faithfulness in our lives, and his strong and steady hand in every situation. The whole mission of Kids Alive is to rescue orphaned or at risk-children, love them, give them a new life, and prepare them to go back out and make an impact on their community. Last week I heard a few of the older 'kids,' who have finished the program and now live on their own, share their stories. They were some of the ones I really connected with five summers ago, while they were still living at the orphanage. It was incredible to hear them testify of God's amazing provision in their lives; from being orphaned and literally starving, to living in a safe and loving community where they received one of the best educations on the island, to going back to living in the very same barrio (neighborhood) where they were born - but this time with a hope and a future (Jer. 29:11). They chose to go back there and to live intentionally. They both actively serve and participate in their church and they are tangibly making a difference in the lives of their friends and community. Talk about God's faithfulness. I was humbled.
     Last I heard, the woman needing blood is still in the hospital, but is now stable. I am looking forward to the adventures God has for me in this next week, so thank you for your prayers and love!

and so it begins!

  I arrived safe and sound on Monday after a very early morning (thanks to the best mom ever for waking up at 2 am to drive me to the airport)!  I've jumped right into things here. For at least the first few weeks of my stay, I will be living with some long term missionaries; a mom, dad, four kids, two dogs, and a bird. This is the same family I stayed with five summers ago and, well, there is never a dull moment in this house. They are incredible, fun, and busy. They keep me on my toes.
  My job for the next three weeks is to get tutoring boxes together full of math and reading supplies for each site where interns will be this summer. So I've begun making copies, coloring (college education right there! fortunately 11 year old Chase can help me out), reviewing my fractions with sweet pizza cutouts, and scouring the school for old textbooks and reading materials. Tomorrow I will travel with Vic, the dad, to Constanza, another site, to learn about the ministry there and see what we have for tutoring supplies. 
  I have really been settling into the Dominican culture again. It's been wonderful reconnecting with friends, both english speaking and not. My spanish has really been put to the test, but it hasn't failed me too bad yet. The rice and beans are delicious as always, and today, 12 year old Luke taught me how to drive the motorcycle (Dad, you didn't read that). Like I said, settling into the culture. :)
  A specific prayer request: A young woman in the community had emergency surgery yesterday and something went wrong. She has not stopped bleeding since. Here, patients are responsible for finding their own blood if they need transfusions since the hospitals don't have any. She already received six pints last night and as of this afternoon was seeking more donations. Please pray for healing for her, peace for her husband and family, and for A negative donors to step up (almost all Dominicans know their blood type for reasons like this). 
  Thank you for all the love, support, and prayers. It really has been a fine transition and I am thankful for the time I have had here already (especially since I haven't seen a cockroach yet!). Be praying that I would be able to discern the best way I can be a blessing to the family I'm with and the organization as a whole in the next few weeks. To God be the glory!

humbled, excited, three days!

  I remember talking with one of my roommates this past semester about what it looks like to seek the Lord while ultimately making your own decisions. We came to a beautiful conclusion. If we choose on a daily basis, hour by hour, minute by minute, to believe that God truly loves us, then we are continuously humbled. Proverbs 11:2 says, "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." So when we are humbled, we gain wisdom. With wisdom, we see the path God has paved for us, and we are able to obey. And when we are obedient, God works in and through us. So, recap: God loves us --> we are humbled --> we gain wisdom --> we can obey --> awesomeness happens.

  It all starts with choosing to continuously believe that God truly loves you and has a plan for you, and that you are Christ's beloved. When we really come to terms with that, how can we not be humbled?

  Out of this conversation (partly) came my plans for this summer: I leave for the Dominican Republic in three days (!!!) where I will spend two months working with Kids Alive International (<-- click to check them out!). I could not be more excited to see what God has in store for this summer. It is my prayer that I, and each of my teammates, will be routinely reminded of the depth of God's love for us and for each child we interact with. And in being reminded, we may be ever humbled as we walk in wisdom and faith.

  I am humbled and honored that I get to go forth with this experience! And I will be regularly (not sure what that actually means yet) be updating this blog so that you can be a part of this experience with me. Thank you so much for all your love, support, and prayers. It really is encouraging to have such a community of love around me.

  As I am keeping you updated on my summer, PLEASE send me e-mails and tell me what is going on in your lives too. michelle.nelson@my.wheaton.edu

  Blessings!